America’s most trusted doctor gives his expert opinion on the nation’s most asked question.

We are in unprecedented times. As concern for where, why, and how all that ass can fit in them jeans grows across the nation and the world, I was asked to address you all tonight to…

Emily Kapp & Daniel Stillman

Emily Kapp and Daniel Stillman are both Chicago-based humor writers. You can contact them at kappstillmansatire@gmail.com.

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store