Exclusive Interview With Cupid, The Baby and Cupid from the “Cupid Shuffle”

Emily Kapp & Daniel Stillman
4 min readFeb 14, 2020

Interviewer: Hello everybody! I’m Brian Winters, and today I’m so lucky to have the two Cupids in the studio today. So Cupid, how did you feel when you first heard there was a singer from Louisiana who shared your name with a song that was captivating the nation with easy to do choreography?

Cupid (The Baby): Well, you know when I first heard this crooner was using my name for profit back in 2007, I was ready to use my plastic toy phone and call up my lawyers to give this fool a cease and desist letter.

Cupid (The Singer): Uh oh, Cupid’s getting a little cranky. *Cupid (The Singer) picks up Cupid (The Baby) to burp him.*

Cupid (The Baby): But after I saw the dance, I couldn’t resist moving to the left, to the left, to the left. What a hit that was! I loved hearing it at bar mitzvahs and weddings.

Interviewer: It surely brought your name back into the mainstream. Cupid, the baby, tell us how the Cupid Shuffle affected your job after that?

Cupid (The Baby): Thinking back to 2007, no one was falling in love like they used to. With the Iraq War, a looming recession, and the premiere of Knocked Up, it seemed like love was done for.

Interviewer: Until a different kind of Cupid struck the nation with an arrow of his own.

Cupid (The Baby): Yeah, exactly. There were no weapons of mass destruction found, but what did we find instead? Love. Love through a choreographed line dance.

Interviewer: That was a really profound thing to say, especially for a baby. So Cupid, the singer, what inspired you to write the Cupid Shuffle in the first place?

Cupid (The Singer): My one desire was to kill the Cha Cha Slide once and for all. For far too long we’ve been clapping our hands, sliding to the left and, unfortunately, sliding to the right at dance parties. I wanted to create a dance anthem that has a clear end to it and a song without an outdated reference to a boring cartoon dance like Charlie Brown.

“My one desire was the kill the Cha Cha Slide once and for all.”

Interviewer: Cupid, the baby, do you think you could do the job of Cupid, the singer?

Cupid (The Baby): Create a one-hit wonder along with a dance? Sir, I make people fall in love with an arrow. I’m a baby that can fly. I can do anything. For the six hours a day I’m up, I hustle hard and make people become enchanted with each other. What’s another 20 minutes in a music studio telling people to dance?

Interviewer: And Cupid, the singer, in response to Cupid the baby’s answer, do you think you could do his job — making people fall in love?

Cupid (The Singer): Brian, I already do. Did you know that the Cupid Shuffle is included unironically on 95% of sex playlists created on Spotify in the US and Canada today?

Cupid (The Baby): I know it’s on mine.

Interviewer: No, no, I didn’t know those numbers.

Cupid (The Singer): It’s true. There’s something about the Cupid Shuffle that’s so versatile — it’s romantic, it’s sexy, and it’s energizing — and people feel that. And that’s why it’s played at weddings so often.

Interviewer: It’s not because it’s an easy, step-by-step song to dance to?

Cupid (The Singer): God no. It’s a song that’s meant to make people fall in love. I didn’t just name it the Cupid Shuffle for nothing. In my mind, the Cupid Shuffle equals love.

Interviewer: Cupid, the baby, can you confirm this?

Cupid (The Baby): 100%, Brian. It puts people in the mood like no other, I’ve seen it with my own eyes. Sometimes I don’t like to admit it, but ever since the Cupid Shuffle dropped 13 years ago, it’s made my job loads easier. Also, speaking of loads, does someone mind changing my diaper? I can keep talking.

Cupid (The Singer): I got you. *Cupid (The Singer) pulls out a diaper bag from under his chair and begins to change Cupid (The Baby) on the studio control board.*

Interviewer: Cupid, the baby, I’d love to know. How did the release of the Cupid Shuffle make your job easier, specifically?

Cupid (The Baby): *while Cupid (The Singer) wipes his butt* Right, yes. To start off, it increases the efficiency of my bow’s aim tenfold. While everyone is moving to the right, to the right, to the right, that gives me the perfect time to aim.

Interviewer: You know where they’re going because of the song directions.

Cupid (The Baby): I know exactly where they’re going. (spits up)

Interviewer: Very good point, Cupid the baby. And I just want to say, I love how you two are so close. For my final question, I have to ask: with such an age gap between you two, how did you become so close and friendly? Cupid, the singer, did you end up taking the “older brother” role in this relationship?

Cupid (The Singer): Actually, Cupid’s older than me. I’m 37, and he’s 2,729. People always forget that he’s still a Greek god even though he’s an infant. He’s got a sort of Benjamin Button thing going on.

Cupid (The Baby): I still constantly get ID’d at bars. (blushes) I mean, I really do still have a baby face. People say I’ll be grateful for it when I’m older, but we’ll see.

Interviewer: Thanks so much for chatting today guys. Have a good one, and Happy Valentine’s Day.



Emily Kapp & Daniel Stillman

Emily Kapp and Daniel Stillman are both Chicago-based humor writers. You can contact them at kappstillmansatire@gmail.com.